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12/02/2011

A Time for Everything

You may have noticed that posts have been few and far between this past month.  And there is an explanation.  After struggling through chemotherapy for lung cancer for the past 8 months my grandmother was hospitalized with pneumonia about a month ago and after almost two full weeks in the hospital, God called her home... her eternal home.  

After a recent conversation with a friend, I realized I had defaulted to my "old ways" of dealing with hard situations.  I was bottling it up.  I couldn't cry.  I couldn't feel the emotions I wanted to.  It has been hard.  I watched this most beloved woman I am graced to call Grandma suffer, for months, and still keep a God-ward focus.  It was brutal.  Then, as much as time away from our children allowed, I was with her in the hospital as much as I could be.  I was there during the last 3 days when you could tell death was close.  She had not been awake for those three days.  It was hard.  Even that doesn't describe what we walked through as a family.  And sitting by her bed, holding her hand, peppering her with kisses, I wouldn't allow myself to get emotional.  I had an eternal hope I was resting in for her life.  That was God's grace for those moments.  And still is.

But I continue to grieve the loss of her life, her presence in our family.  She meant more to me than my frail words will ever be able to convey.  I loved her so.  If ever there was a connection between a grandmother and granddaughter I would wish they could share what we did.  She was my best childhood friend.

Perhaps in coming days I will be able to share about her life with you.  God is working on healing my heart.  And I will rest in Him.  After all, He does understand suffering and mourns with me.  He does not turn a blind eye to us in it.  John 11:35 says, "Jesus wept."  Shortest verse in the Bible, and yet we see Jesus' compassion and humanness as he cried over the death of a beloved man.  His heart of love broke right along with this family and does with ours as well.  


So, now you are up to speed where I am and can pray for me and our family... especially my grandfather, who lost his bride... pray that we will continue to rest in God's grace for these moments.


*Meghan