Well, it's been a while... a few months to say the least. But I'm back, mainly from the encouragement from my husband as we had a discussion yesterday. The topic: Contentment in our children.
The reason for our conversation (and for my absence from the blog) is that we are expecting our 4th child! And yesterday we found out it was a BOY. :)
Now if you know our family, you'll know we have 2 sons and a daughter. And you would also know that our boys are a handful ... at the young ages of 6 and 4. If I'm correct in my thinking, most people who are close to us will probably CRINGE when they hear baby #4 is a boy and say or think things like, "Oh, I'm sorry." and "Were you hoping for a girl?" and "That's too bad." and "Maybe he won't be like your other two. Maybe he'll be a calm and content child." I'm not going to far out on a limb here. We've already heard several of these comments.
Honestly, I've struggled with similar thoughts as I was heavy with discouragement when I found out our first two children were boys. I only "knew" about girls (ha! even though I married a BOY) and I had no idea how to raise them. There were tears both times in the waiting room after the sonograms. It was not that I was completely wrong. I really didn't know how to raise a boy. Or a girl. I was a new mommy. EVERYTHING was new. And I was getting a wake-up call.
But then sometime between my second son and our daughter being born God changed something in my heart. I began to see a beautiful picture God was painting in my family's life. He was showing me that of all the people in the world there were certain lives He was allowing to begin in my womb. He loves each of these children more than I ever could. He sees their whole lives before they were created. He sees their beginning and their end. He knows the choices they'll make, whether they'll marry and have children, the number of hairs on their heads. And the point is, they are not mine. They are His. He created them boy or girl. And my responsibility in response to this: let go of my emotional attachment toward any gender that I was clinging to.
What have I found after I obeyed?
Freedom. Freedom to love each child God gave us with a deeper love and with a deeper understanding of God's love for them. What a joyous thing my heart can experience!
Joy. Each child in our family gives me precious moments of pure joy that I did not know of before he or she came to be.
Relationship. I hold dear each mother-child relationship I get to partake in. It is such a special and unique calling to be the mother of these children, to teach and to train them. To live life day in and day out with these little people. To be a part of their big moments and their tiny moments. To love them. To experience their love for me.
I pray that God will continue to teach me to think heavenly, eternally. I pray for the mothers I know of with young children who I've seen struggle with this.
May God get the glory for changing this stony heart of mine.